So I had a thought earlier today, related to men and women and long term relationships, more specifically marriage: When do you allow yourself to become so comfortable with someone that you cease to try to impress them?
This idea came to me amidst thoughts about older people and fashion sense- I've taken note of several of the older people I work with, people around my parent's age, and the way they dress. It occurred to me that most people don't seem to go that extra step they probably used to when they were younger- put extra effort into their appearance. Not that these people look terrible, or can't dress well; just that they seem to put minimal effort into it. This is just my perception- maybe these people really are putting effort into their appearance, and I just don't see it as such. But what I'm gleaning is that they are not going the extra mile, something that younger people seem to do all the time.
The first thing I guessed was the reason for this phenomenon is that younger people tend to be single, and therefore probably looking in some way to attract a mate. This would require effort. Older people tend to be in relationships, and thus aren't looking for anyone. They don't need to impress anyone- they're already with someone. This in my opinion is the root and primary cause of this phenomenon.
For example, two different women: both the same age, both working in similar occupational fields. The first is, in my opinion, a phenomenal dresser. She clearly takes pride in her appearance, but it goes beyond that- she can wear very fashion-forward pieces as well as more classic attire, even throwing on heels often. She is also single. The second woman: again, the same age, but married. She always looks nice, no doubt- but I wouldn't say she puts that extra effort in (at least not as much, although I can't really think of when she does at all). She seems to be much more concerned about comfort. She doesn't go for many contemporary looks, except in the area of hair. All of the things she wears seem to be chosen for comfort over everything else, even down to the shoes. I haven't seen her in heels in years - she typically wears non-descript flats. (Now, I am by no means a fashion guru, but I do catch the occasional "What Not to Wear" and faithfully read my monthly subscription of GQ, so I like to think I have some fashion sense.)
I pondered the difference between these two women - one single, one married, both with very different styles of dress -and that led me to the idea of being single versus being in a relationship. Seeking to impress versus not needing to...or at least not feeling a need to.
All of this led me to think about men and women and impressing their partner, even in the midst of a long-term relationship. Should you ever be so comfortable that you don't try to impress your partner? That you don't look to get/keep their attention? I know that you shouldn't need to get their attention- you already have it. But the basis of the idea should still remain. Why do people feel that just because they have someone, and that person is committed to them, that they don't need to do what they initially did to get them?
Your relationship should never be predicated on you trying to impress your partner. But you should still want to impress them, depsite knowing that you do not need to impress them. You should be beautiful to your partner no matter how you look or dress...but you should also try to look beautiful for your partner. This isn't limited to just women either- men need to continue to do what they did to get their woman in the first place. Look nice. Take care of your body.
If you aren't the most fashion forward person, or contemporary looks aren't for you, there are new ways to approach classic looks. Don't comprimise yourself, but don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.
Never get too comfortable...
Excavating The Voices
7 years ago
