Secret Cookie Giver

So someone sent me some cookies yesterday, lol. As in, how you might send someone flowers but cookies instead. I came into my office and there was a box of custom cookies with a bow and everything, note included. It wasn't anything romantic, the note just said "Keep your head up, Jonathan!" The note was not signed. It's a mystery...I've been trying to figure out who it could be. No success thus far. But I'm happy. I was having a bad day, and that definitely made me feel better. Trying to enjoy life as much as possible. This definitely helps. :-)

William Rast

So I got my new GQ the other day. It's a must have. Not the issue, the magazine in general. It's one of the books I live my life by, a guide of sorts. Mainly for fashion and styles, but it also has good info for general lifestyle tips. They have some of the flyest gear ever...too bad at this point in my life I can afford maybe .7% of it, lol. One day. Anyways, my dude Justin Timberlake (ha, my dude, like I ate dinner with that man last night or something) has a nice line of clothing, William Rast. It's crazy. One day I'll be able to afford that too. But check the threads. It's definitely time for me to get a new suit.

F@#! the Police

I debated about whether I should title this blog the way I did, but in the end I wanted my blog to be an accurate reflection of my life as it is presently - my good, bad and otherwise. I HATE the police. They abuse authority. I have yet to come across a police officer who did what I really needed them to do at the time. They come when unsolicited, and when I actually could use a good office around, they come and harass (if they come at all). The source of my current frustration? I got a frikin' ticket last night. For NO reason. Now, I can say this in all honesty because of several reasons. 1) My driving record is far from stellar. I've had too many tickets in my day, and many of them I did deserve (although none I wanted, of course). I take responsibility for my actions - if I was speeding, and got caught, I got a ticket. That's fair. I know when I was clearly in the wrong, and when I was being wrongfully accused or being given no leniancy. 2) The situation in which the cops (yes, copS plural) gave me the ticket was fishy as hell. I checked my speed as I was passing the cop (which we all do, whether we're speeding or not), and I clearly saw the speedometer well below 40 (the posted limit was 35). Had the cop gave me a ticket for going 37 in a 35, I would have been pissed, but couldn't have really argued. The cop cited me for going 52 mph. How rediculous is that?? 52? Word? Furthermore, the policeman who stopped me was not the policemen who gave me the ticket. Why do you need to tag team an offender? There was another guy who was pulled over at the same time as I was - why was the same cop handling both cars?? The other cop (the one who pulled me over) was standing around doing nothing (and might I add, resting his hand on his gun while I spoke with the other police officer. Uneccesary. Especially after I clearly identified that I worked at Wake Forest University. Last time I checked, people who are going to attack cops don't work at private institutions of higher learning.) My theory - the cop needed to meet his quota for tickets, which is why his buddy pulled me over and let the other guy write the ticket. Of course I asked to see the radar, which the policeman happily obliged. Which of course read 52 mph. But how do I know that was actually my car? There is no way to prove that it was or wasn't. You can radar a car on a highway at any point during the day, and keep that speed on the radar to use against anyone. And as I said, I know I was not going 52. In a 35. At night, for no reason. I wasn't late anywhere. I had nowhere to be. Word? Why would I drive 17 miles over the speed limit with nothing to do? Again, had he said 37, 38, 40 even, I would probably just sucked it up. But when its that high, I know you're lying. And to top it all off, as I tried to reason with the man he naively said that if I went to court, the judge might listen to me and revoke the ticket. Raise your hand if you are a person of color (particularly a male, or a Black male) and you have EVER had a ticket revoked by a judge? I see no hands.

So as you can see, I'm pretty pissed. But of course, in the eyes of "the law," and society, when I step (if I step) into court in front of a judge, I'll be just another angry Black man who claims that he is being treated unfairly. This is why I have absolutely no faith in the justice system, and in the people who are supposed to be protecting and serving the public. F$#@ the police.

Love and Let Go

A thought occurred to me the other day, about relationships: one of the hardest things to deal with for ended or past relationships is accepting that your entire role in this person's life was to get them ready for someone else. The idea that people are in your life for seasons, which can be short or long, is a crazy idea, but true. This becomes particularly difficult to deal with I think when you were in a relationship where there may have been only one or two things (small or large) that were keeping the relationship from moving forward. Maybe this person had a bad habit you didn't really care for. Maybe they didn't express their emotions enough for you. While you were in the relationship, everything seemed to be in line except that one thing, and that one thing caused so many problems and arguments, to the point that eventually you and that person separated because of it. But you planted a seed. And away from you, that seed grew. You see the person with someone else later on, maybe weeks, months, years down the line...and you see that whatever issue you had with that person is no longer a factor. They "got it together." Whatever you disliked about them is now fixed, no longer an issue. And the only question you can ask yourself is, "why couldn't he or she get that right when they were with me?" You question yourself. "What was wrong with me?" "Was I enough?" "Why couldn't they do that for me?" But the truth of the matter (sometimes) is that it just might have taken that relationship with you to get that other person to the point where they could change, where they could better themselves. And maybe they weren't for you. It has nothing to do with you. But that can be one of the hardest things to accept.

I say let it go. Don't think of it as something that highlights deficiencies in you, think of it as something that you could do positive for someone else, some way you could help someone else grow into the best person they can be. You are not inadequate (and they are not a liar or a jerk for not being that person you wanted them to be when they were with you). Let it go. Be happy. Move on. I know it's easier said than done, but if you can do it, it can completely free you.

Back in the Saddle

Sometimes I really hate metaphors, particularly cliche ones, lol. But I, like most, use them anyway. I'm determined to get back into writing. It's beneficial in so many ways, especially for me. I also had a striking realization a couple weeks ago. I started having dreams in which I wrote entire songs...verses, chorus, bridges, all that...but when I woke up I couldn't remember any of them. If that isn't a clear sign that I need to get back to writing, I don't know what is. Also, I've struggled to pinpoint my passion for years now. In vain. Everyone always asked me what my passion was, what the one thing I loved doing was. I could never answer, because in my mind I had no passion. Stupid. Sometimes, most times, the things we need to see are right in front of us, practically gouging our eyes out because they are so close. I love music. Always have. Always will. That is the one thing I can say I consistently have loved my entire life. I feel like it's time I make moves to pursue my passion. So I'll start by writing. Making time for music in my life, aside from as background noise. One step. The journey of a thousand miles...